Saved to serve others.

I love to write down every step in my journey/life because  I’m a teacher, I’m a connector,  i use words to describe stuff that you’re feeling or thinking or avoiding to make mention of..I love to get down and messy with humanity…to go into the dark corners with lurking shadows and just tell you that “you’ll get through this, because I did too..God is able, He never left me, and He surely won’t leave you..He heard my prayers and cries…and He will hear you too🙌

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You'll get through this❤

2 Corinthians: 1. 3. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4. who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

There is power and strength in vulnerability.

I believe “as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same AND as we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others”
I share my life and my struggles.. I get vulnerable, I may  tell you my fears, my strengths, my flaws, my achievements.. Etc.. Because one day when its all said and done…someone else might go through exactly what I went through… But they won’t have to face it alone..they won’t have to figure stuff out by themselves… I can look them straight in the eyes and say “ME TOO…I was there too…and here is how you can breakout because God is both willing and also able to save you”

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Saved to serve others.

Without Spot, without wrinkle.

Tinted windows, perfect lighting, clean clothes, big cars
Is that all?
Awesome vocals, memorized hymns, plastic smiles,
Is there more?
Stealing from widows, beating my sheep, divisions and quarrels,
Is there room for My Spirit for My Son?
You don’t believe in prophecy, you mock My healing, doubt My power,
Can’t you discern?

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Bride of Christ.

Masked faces, pretend repentance , trying to earn My favor,
I’m waiting for that rope to snap.
Faking happy, fear of weakness, competing among yourselves, pleasing men?
If only you looked up.
Hurting orphans, wounded teens, exhausted men, barren women,
Don’t ask, “who?”
Routine services, condemnation, guilt, living in the sin cycle
I can do more for you.

Dear bride, what I offer is really easy, I say BELIEVE,
But you want to do.
I say my Son, My Son, Jesus Christ is enough,
Yet you prefer self too,
I say “the cross” on it hangs your cure, on it lay your healer,
But you yell, “what’s the catch?”
I hate sin, I hate sin…but I love you, I love you,
I offer you life, what I give has no match.
When you look at the cross, remember my mercy and judgment kissed,
On that pole, my goodness and wrath face to face.
The law’s demands paid, the sting of death disarmed,
You can call it AMAZING GRACE.

I don’t tolerate rivals, I don’t tolerate sin, I can’t stand lukewarm,
Yet I hate your self efforts, your personal righteousness- filthy rags,
I give you freely, salvation, righteousness and mercy…just come home,
I dwell in you, I give you the words to speak, you’re dead, Christ lives,
Everything to he that believes,
You wanna take a bath, but I say “I’ll wash you!!
You wanna merit my love, its priceless,
You want to live free of sin? Look to my Son,
Walk before me and be blameless.

As Moses lifted up the bronze serpent, so my Son gazes at you,
Those that look to Him live!
My grace is sufficient for you,
Don’t you believe?
I don’t place demands without supplying the grace for the execution,
I’m a good good Father, its who I am.
I punished Jesus Christ for your sins, just come home.
I’ll throw the biggest party…. I simply AM.

Get rid of that facade, the mask looks awful on you,
Come as you are my Bride,
Don’t be afraid, my rod and staff will comfort you,
Come out from the shadows, don’t hide,
Let my love wreck you, let my grace transform you,
I don’t condemn you, where are your accusers?
I forgive you, go and sin no more,
Forget your prosecutors, I’ll silence your oppressors,
You’ve been forgiven much, therefore, love much,
Feed my sheep, feed my sheep,
Don’t pretend around me, I know you better than you know you,
Hush now, don’t weep.

Workout your salvation because I work in you the will to please me,
Keep your garment without wrinkle or spot,
I’m coming soon, I’m coming soon!
I don’t tolerate rivals, I can’t stand sin, you are Mine, you were bought,
Clothe yourselves with holiness and humility,
My grace will teach you to do so,
I’m coming for a Bride without spot or wrinkle,
I’m not late or slow,
Be still, I am God…..I’ll never leave or forsake you,
In the meantime, love your neighbor,
You can love because I first loved you,
Love….it binds everything in perfect harmony❤

This is the saddest thing I’ve ever written.

I wrote this on a very dark day…thank God the night doesn’t last forever… Though its hard, I admit it, I thought about death, I thought about suicide….I thought I couldn’t go on…but God came through.. He silenced the voice of that giant Goliath.. My God fought my battle once more….I am publishing this to encourage whoever is reading this and is feeling the rejection or betrayal I also felt… Trust me….It will pass…just don’t give up on God…even though the rejection is coming from your Christian friends, remember who your creator is❤

**She gave up**

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Rejection

There lies a thin line between life and death, between joy and intense sorrow
The life is sucked out of you, the joy turns to grief and you sit and wait for a better tomorrow,
I’m just so sick and tired of being so sick and tired, I really can’t live life like this
I don’t wanna be part of this horrible place of no joy, hope and peace,

My vision is so blurred up right now, I don’t even know what I’m saying
I don’t want to believe everything they say I am or I’m slowing becoming,
My brain is way too small to try to understand its creator
I know You are Love, You bring life and are way greater,

I’m just not strong enough to face all this right now, its so overwhelming
My eyes are so swollen from all the weeping and crying
How do I serve a God whose people constantly reject me?
How do I live in this world where my only cheerleader is me?

I don’t want to live my entire love mistreated, misplaced and misunderstood
If I can’t fit in among Your own, among those who in Your presence have stood
How do I trust You when people who claim to converse with say the opposite?
Clearly there is a breach somewhere, do I even know You then? What a misfit💔

If my entire life is one huge nonstop test, then I’ve failed
If everyday is a dawn of a new trial and persecution, then I’m doomed,
I don’t have the strength for any of this and You already this but still
I thought You were my strength, my shield and all I had to do was be still💔

I really do love You, but You’re really hard to serve
They make me feel crazy, like a really weak knave
How do I stop all their horrible opinions from getting to my soul
You made me this sensitive and emotional …You made me so

And if I can’t trust You or feel safe around You, what’s the point?
I’d rather be hanging on some rope right now, I should be in the land of dead
I think I have no reason to keep holding on, if I can’t live this life for You, if I can’t learn to serve You and if I’m prey to the devil even when I’m lying right next to You

Then I’d rather die💔
My life would be dim but for You, night would last forever but for You
And now that You’re not in it, my life isn’t worth living for😱

I break everything I touch💔

I thought I was fixing it but just ended up breaking it some more
I thought the egg needed safety but turns out my hands are thorny
I wanted to hug the bride but my oily hands ruined her dress

I thought I was helping but my words made her crush and fall
I wanted to cushion her but my shoulders were too bony
I was offering my support and encouragement yet all I did was depress

I offered to get her glass of tea but through my grasp it slipped and hit the floor
I tried to carry the rose but it withered because my hands were too stony
Woe is me! I break everything and always leave a mess.

Thanks for stopping by. The above piece is inspired by my current state of mind💔

She changed.

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Warrior

Enough time wasted in fear, timidity, mediocrity, average and self pity
She stood taller, talked louder and didn’t need you to confirm her pretty
She took off the garment of naïve and clothed herself with confidence
She traded her doubt for hope, faith and patience
Life had taught her to pick up the broken pieces and rebuild her castle
She was sure her future would gleam, sparkle and dazzle

She’s not the girl you all knew yesterday
They may look alike in some way
But this kind is revised and exemplified
She has changed!!!!

You won’t find her wiping tears or living in an era of past tenses
Take no offense, this version is here to stay…no pretenses
With a click to her step and a bounce in her walk
Her voice as soft as a dove yet mountains tremble at her mere talk
Watch her thrive, gaze as she will take it all
She is a fighter, she is bold, audacious and rises above standing tall

She’s not the same old thing you barked at yesterday
They may share body but her soul will leave you in shock and dismay
She has been remodeled and reconstructed
She has changed!!!!

She is building ten thousand new doors for all the rusty ones that shut in her face
She runs faster, writes unapologetically, what will stop her pace?
She’s not a conqueror, she’s something more, she’s more than a conqueror
Virtuous, inspirational, capable, victorious, she’s a warrior
Those stones you threw at her, those knives you struck her with
She’s built her castle and armed it with swordmen, guarding it above and beneath

She’s not the chicken that couldn’t fly yesterday
She may still have feathers but these are built to fly night and day
She has learned and no longer needs your seal stating approved
She has changed!

The regale colors are her accessories, she is clothed in purple
With determination and courage she rules because she is able
Her nose button like, her smile graceful, her mind persuaded
She strides towards the platform with a royal scepter in hand, the crowd enchanted
She walked through hell and lived to tell the tale
She marched on coals of fire and didn’t fail
That is her story and acclamation
It needs no further description.

The saddest story ever told💔

Written in my moment of pain, rejection and weakness…but emerging a victor….in that dark of night…Love saved me❤

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God is her provider. She brags different.

I don’t know what to say
Its such a high prize to pay
And to pay for what you don’t even understand
My knees are weak, I can not stand
I’ve been dumped again
Its a numbing pain
I gave this the best of me
But they all reject me
Another door shut right in my face
As scandalous as Grace

I don’t know if to say sorry or thank you
I feel used and disposed off… I’m such a fool
In a way I know it will all workout
I want to scream, to yell, to just shout
Who will ever accept me Lord?
No one loves this version O God
Why did you make me so emotional?
Am I a mistake or its intentional?

No matter what I do, its never good enough
I can see their faces as they will soon start to laugh
And what’s worse is thinking all is well when it isn’t
Believing a fairytale that is really non existent
Where are You?
Believing this is it and to just watch it crash in front of you
What’s wrong with me Daddy?
Why can’t I see what they all see Daddy?
Why am I always wrong
If this goes on will I even survive long?

Is this another test Lord?
I need strength… Comfort me with thy stuff and rod
I feel the enemy attempting to devour me once more
Will I be in chains and bondage like before?
Why am I so sensitive and  fearful?
I did everything You said I do, I rested in Your finished work and Your embrace
I loved, I hoped, I believed, I forgave, I stepped into new horizons, I trusted Your grace

Will I ever step out in faith again?
I’m now afraid of more pain
Please Lord save me from myself
Rid me of what’s killing me, take away self
I’m a danger to myself and those around
I’m lost again, won’t I be found?
This is so painful, I feel like such a failure
Who will I trust now? I’m not even sure
I have enough going on already
I can’t even tell between black and white, green or red

You’ve said pride comes before a fall
Does this mean I was prideful
I don’t know how I’ll cope
My faith is wavering and I’m surviving only on hope
I gave my life into this
Help me get through this
Its You and I yet again
Seems like everything I do is in vain
Like I crashed before I could even begin
Precious Spirit of the living God, please step in❤